not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize