if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
