My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
