and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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