feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
