Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We need to get me chipped asap
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
