do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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