My hair reeks of homosexuality.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm passing your future prison.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
