through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
