he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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