We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
