All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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