Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize