HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
