I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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