yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
