we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
