Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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