I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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