They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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