Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
