I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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