mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
