It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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