This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
