Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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