hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
