When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
