Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
