Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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