"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
