This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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