So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
