I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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