Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
