reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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