this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
