I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
