Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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