SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
not ubering you a puppy
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