Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize