i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
