its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
