i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
