help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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