I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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