if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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