if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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