My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
