So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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