i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
