Pants 0. Shit 1.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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