oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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