My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can tuck mytits in my pants
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
