Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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