I have demons in me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize