my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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