He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
