you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
