you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
