I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
