that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
