Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
