Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
