Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
