I can tuck mytits in my pants
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
