He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think I sprained my soul last night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize