first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
