True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
