I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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