he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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