It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
