i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
