So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
