oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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