pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
