i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
