Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
