He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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