Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We named our party play list daddy issues
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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