I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
