my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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