but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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