I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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